Lito Kattou

Myriad Worlds as Ours II

at Paganico Sabino

T293, Rome

1 October 2022 — 4 November 2022

Μα ακόμα δεν χόρτασαν;

there’s an insect
that in order to survive
eats their partner after sex

the females do so to protect
their babies
it’s called mantis religiosa

mantis
-from the greek word mania-
another story imposing
hysteria upon
a feminised act of rage

and religion
a rereading on the female identity

google says
that mantises are in the same category as cockroaches
do you know what audre lorde writes about roaches
she writes
“call me your deepest urge toward survival”
the poem is titled “the brown menace”

II

(menace is about)
threatening as a protection mechanism
the creatures are slim they
have embodied myriad blessings
i can name some

how to manage fear,
how to wilfully cry,
how to utter a shrieking sound,
how to live life when dismissed,
how to give birth,
how to die,
how to pray,
how search for love,
how to deny it,
how to heal from being under mothered,
how to own your flesh and bones,
 how to eat without guilt,
let your bellies be huge
let your eyes be swollen
let your breasts be untouched

 III

mantis love their moms their moms 
taught them how to

hide under flowers how to
turn leaves into homes how to
build and occupy safe places how to
stand still in front of their enemies how to
quit and how to
fight
after

IV

i listen to a song that says
“i’d rather be a spider than a snail”
and it feels like when it comes to voices
of southness to voices muzzled
it all resonates with each other
like all the verses lead to a widely known
realization or metaphor
representing a truth that varies but
not that much

V
some bodies reintroduced themselves
and they appeared as clusters after
because they know what unconditional
love feels like

when fragments are legitimate

ruins are praised
and breaks
are psalms in repetition

allowing faith and hope and domination
over every agony that blocks the very sacred truth
“only gut feelings can speak”

VI

in my dream an ancient told me

sun sets when change isn’t intimidating
sun sets when life isn’t taken for granted
sun sets when breathing is not in doubt
sun sets when flying is an option

it sets
when control isn’t the ruling axis
when success loses its power
when authority is not about tame
when QR codes are dysfunctional
when fingers speak solidarity
when 660 is a number not a nightmare
when witches and coffee readers and astrologers get all of the world’s attention
when candles inducted all architectural scales
VII/br>
scars have no finitude

VIII

even though i drink so much water 
that my stomach aches

IX

who said toxins are toxic

X

it’s waiting for me ‘cause
the unknown scares me
XI

i wanna glue myself under the table and feel all of the world’s oscillations
my skin’s among them
my skin is moving toward the direction of desire
and it sometimes hurts to feel its movement

when things are static
concrete
clean
young

but i’ve passed this stage
yet my intestines still carry this memory

there’s this stroke from the inside
my therapist talked to me about it
it is very much about a demystified
version of requesting HIS presence

the sick ones

we need to first kiss and then lick
our wounds
the past
feels like worn out leather
it’s keeping me alive you know
neurology
all of these deconstructed boxes lingering around making connections
 anniversaries
it’s all about self-care

how to be tender to yourself
spoil YOU for a day
it all sounds very pampering
well trust me it’s not

deep sadness acts like mosquitos
it drinks your blood

like mercy

if i had enemies
i’d wish upon them “panic attacks”
be grateful that i don’t

there’s nothing banal in hiding
remember though
that hiding can be a privilege
not everyone can
 escape the void
but i wish us all the best
warmest

XII

liquids and sweats their saliva and bodily pressures their sighs you talked about femme fatales the deathly women are the ones protecting their pleasure respecting it more than anything PEACE

XIII

disease makes their voices
wiser it turns them into low-pitched amplified
sounds that have compiled the grief of
all deaths all
of the species’ pain the smell of

infected blood taste your tears eat your screams sleeping must be torturing you

XIV

i miss you

XV<

a process:
Staging Outlook Causes Risk Factors Symptoms Treatment
Summary The Church Mantras

XVI

A prompt diagnosis and early treatment can be very concerning, but most forms of  … respond well to the treatment.

i miss you

 A prompt diagnosis and early treatment improve outcomes, even in those diagnosed with more aggressive forms. Therefore, it is essential not to delay seeing a doctor about a … or any other possible ... symptoms.

i miss you

A prompt diagnosis and early treatment can not cure the shock, not the trauma.

XVII

i’m gonna invent this game

where each person in my life
will only be allowed
to shout at me only once
to blame me for not being good enough
to not be attentive to how i feel
to not acknowledge their privilege compare to mine
to take advantage of their mentoring role
to break my heart
to lie about stealing something from them (and i mean immaterially)
to accidentally be didactic, patronising, or authoritative
to fake that they love me
to abandon me
to let me be as happy as i deserve
to make fun of who i am or to they ways i speak or act
to intrude in emotional and physical spaces when they are not welcome to
to underestimate my knowledge only to boost their ego
to comment on my body
to comment on my psyche
to speak on my behalf without my permission
only once
too

P.S. Φrom this game, everyone who has loved me unconditionally is excluded. The problem is that unconditional love is like life: it’s only there, until it’s lost.

XVIII

δεν εχω γραψει καθόλου τον τελευταιο καιρο, κανενα ποίημα
ούτε ήχο ουτε αντιδραση ουτε αίσθηση ουτε μνημη τιποτα
ειδα πετρες και λατομεια και κρεβατια πολλα και διαφορετικα
κοιμηθηκα στο πλοιο
απογοητευτηκα απο τη δημοκρατια και παλι και ανελυσα ενα τραυμα
που δεν ειναι δικο μου ωρες
ατελειωτες κουραστηκα και σταματησα να μιλαω

φωτογραφιζονται στην παραλια και ο αερας
ειναι τοσο δυνατος που μου τραβαει τα γυαλια
απο τα ματια καλυτερα

 γιατι δε βλεπω
στο σκοταδι να φυγω
αλλα δεν εχω που να παω ή
καλυτερα αρνουμαι
να μετακινηθω να διπλωσω
και να διαπραγματευω οποιουδηποτε ειδους χωρο
αρχιτεκτονικο ή συναισθηματικο

πολλαπλες αναπαραστασεις απο καρπουζια, σε στρωματα, πετσετες, κολιε και καπελα, σε καποιες φωτογραφιες δεν αναγνωριζω το σωμα μου, ακομα δεν εμαθα να αναγνωριζω ποσο απεχει η αληθεια απο την επιθυμια, και αγχωνομαι και γυριζω μπρουμητα, για λιγο ξεχνιεμαι, καπνιζω, «λάθος μου», στις ιστοριες που οι εραστές κοιτανε,

 την κριτικη δεν την αντεχω
το φεγγαρι μου δινει δυναμη
και αποφεύγω καθε ειδους προστασια
την αντιλιακη αναμεσα τους
και εσπασα δυο καρδουλες
μια πρασινη και μια κιτρινη που ισως
με ανακουφισαν ισως με τρομαξαν
βαθια μου λειπουν οι φιλες μου

δεν αντεχω να στηριξω κανεναν πια, και 15 χρονια περασαν απο τοτε που πρωτοενιωσα τι θα πει να εγκαταλείπεις την ελπιδα, προσφατα μονο ενιωσα τη μοναξια της απουσιας τους,ο τονος της φωνης μου αλλαζει με οποιαδηποτε παρουσια αγνωστου, ξερεις και τις ρυτιδες φοβαμαι, την απωλεια βαρους, ναι μαλλον, αυτη φοβαμαι.

0

Απο το καλοκαίρι, από τον Ιούλιο, τρώνε το κεφάλι από τα αρσενικά.

0

Και ακόμα δεν αισθάνονται ασφαλείς.
Μα δεν χόρτασαν;



Ioanna Gerakidi